Just Another Raining Day

Is another raining day...I think I really like rains, like it will wash off all your dirt, your sadness, your negativity, your problems and everything everything that will turn you into a bad apple..

These few weeks were really bored one. I supposed to do research for my thesis paper, but I was too lazy that I wasted two weeks :( this is not good...

I started to realize that I really enjoy being busy, working non stop, assignments non stop...a lot, a lot of things to be completed. At least all these tasks will keep me occupied..Moments of doing nothing really make me feels lonely. Not sure whether I should sit or stand or watch movie or listening music. Just gives me shit of the day..

Listening jazz accompanied by the rains outside my corridor, the moment of emptiness just suddenly disappeared. I really enjoyed moment like this, everything slows down..I guess the rains, perhaps was sent by the Lord above to freshen up human being like me...

Tik Tak tik Tak....

It is him with HIV, not stranger

I always heard about HIV and AIDS..I even involved with the charity work targeting this issue...For me, people who are HIV+ or AIDS are no different with any of us, especially children..

As I am always close to this matter, I concern about the issue, feel sorry for those infected, and try not to discriminate...[and I would said, Im neutral to this issue so far - being empathy and not discriminate] however..........

I met a good friend of mine back in 2006, while im part-time-ing with Starbucks..lets just call this cute guy Y. he is a lovely guy on my age, speak good English and smart..he is ambitious when I first met him, thats how I feel impressed [not to be mistaken, not love]...perhaps i was so distress that time, that I really need some1 understanding enough for me..and Y is the right person..he is lovely, until now...we dont really know each other well, but the companion counts...and so, we are good friend but we hardly ask about each other private life that much..just companion, movie buddy...but all these moments meant so much for me....

when we both quit Starbucks, we even became closer...good friend...and one day I found out that he likes guys and has a new boyfriend..oh yeah, im freaking shock...but not being bias...well, I think this news actually make us closer..to be honest I always scared to go out with cute guy, coz people might think I look even more ugly besides a cute guy..and I dont understand why woman and man cant be in a pure friendship...and so, I really enjoy going out with Y coz I know he take our friendship genuinely pure....

After his diploma, he went to all kinds of jobs...being so materialistic...and suddenly all his ambitions just gone...I no longer see a designer in him...kind of disappointed, but as long as he is happy...

Today, I met him for another movie...I shared with him that the newspaper called me up for interview next Wednesday..he knows that I always wanted to be a journalist, just like I know how much he wants others to appreciate his design..in exchange with my good news, he told me he is HIV+........................a big pause from me....

I understand what HIV+ means because I am so into this issue, but why him????he is my age..I feel so uncertain, that I gave him funny comfort sentences....and I do understand how difficult life is going to be or him down the road..I met many HIV+ patients during my volunteer job last time..I know how they suffer..I am so freak out when I put Y in the situation...I dont know, it just freaking me out...but the sad part was he told me that "well Yuki, I am accepting this as fact..we do not choose this to happen, I am just the unlucky one" this really make me sad...well, I understand HIV+ and AIDS is not a choice for some patients, but I think he should take up the responsibility too for being....you know, many different partners....that moment I feel that he is a total stranger...where is the ambitious Y that I met before???Im so sad that I loose him..I understand that he doesnt choose for this, but I really hope that through this he can be able to look back and see his mistakes....I love him so much that he a brother of mine...and I know that the HIV+ will not kill him spiritually, but will just make him stronger...

life is unpredictable....We never know what is God planning for us...and make no regrets, love yourself and love yourself for your family.....

"Oh Father Lord, may You forgive all the wrong steps and decisions that he made, lead him back to Your side as I know God, You love him so much....In Jesus' name, Amen"