It has been almost three months working in this newspaper company. The past three months, I kept asking the same question "Am I supposed to be a journalist?" There were many difficulties (well, probably it is not for some people) in the desk.
Firstly, obviously is my language barrier. I'm not a native English speaker, I don't speak English that much in my daily live. I don't have a strong foundation in English language, ok, probably I should blame the Malaysian government for this. My generation, especially students from Hulu (urban) areas like me. All my peers, no matter what type of school they are from, Chinese school, Malay schools or Indian school do not master any language. Take me for example, I'm a Chinese from Malay school. I speak Malay, but not like the Malay; I speak Mandarin and Cantonese, but people always correct my sentence; I speak English (some might think I speak ok compared to other people at my age), but in fact, my English is all up side down - bad grammar, vocabulary....
Working really hard to solve my language barrier, I have to go through other things - relationship with my colleagues....
Despite so many working experiences, I found myself so struggle in handling relationship. People are being so selfish, especially in this industry..I don't know, maybe I'm just not as good as others. Juniors are working so hard to get closer with the bosses, bosses are having favouritism and seniors just don't give any shit to new people like me.
I felt that I just do not have the opportunity, but then my sister told me opportunities sometime can be created by your own. No story, go and look for one. To be honest, I'm pretty agreed with her point. But then again, it is just so demotivated when you realise that the bosses do not really want to give me a room to perform. Ok, probably this is a bit unclear, but I just can feel it - "the bosses don't really like me".
The co-workers and language barriers make me really doubt about my decision to be here. I sometimes will think that probably I'm not really meant to be here, journalism is not really what I should do. But sometimes I will think that, this is the place I should be, my curiosity, positive and never let go attitude make a good journalist, I think. I will definitely hate myself if I were to let go the job at this point, but at the same time I hate myself being so useless and not performing well in my job. So, what am I supposed to do????
1 comment:
Try not to be so hard on yourself. You have achieved so much already, and I'm sure your friends and family are really proud of you. You are just at beginning of this new career, so it is going to be difficult finding your place. If your language is being tested, then it will gradually develop over time. Important thing is that you never stop trying to improve.
If your colleagues are making your life tough then you can always turn to your friends for support. We all want you to be happy and to succeed! We will help you all we can!
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