New Hairstyle for 2011

"If it is not now, then it will be never"

Almost two months since I last posted something here. I've finally completed my thesis paper and now, I'm a full time reporter. With this new identity, I guess I'm now going into a new chapter in my life. A new chapter means, I have to re-organise my life. I always struggle when my life turn into a new chapter - I tend to waste a lot of time trying to figure what should I do because things that I usually up with were done. I think it should be fair to say that we should have a goal - achievable goal, not exactly dream but something you should achieve in a year or two in our life.

Still remember three years back when I just completed my Diploma, I was working so hard in a magazine company so that I could save enough for my Degree. Well, even I spent all the money that I saved and went to Seoul, but God was so great that I earned myself a scholarship to further my studies after I came back. When I was completing my degree, my goal was to become a journalist in the company that I'm working with now. When the company finally took me in as their reporter even I was not officially graduated and in the midst of completing my thesis, my short-term goal was to become a full-time, college-free, thesis-free reporter. And now that I have achieved that, I'm trying to figure out what is next or what should this new chapter be..

It was almost three weeks since I've closed my previous chapter of life. Meaning to say, I was living without anything in mind except working for the past three weeks. It was a good rest for my mind tho. I did, however trying to figure out what should I do besides working (since I'm that kind of person who always multi-task - part-time+working). And so, I decided to look for some part-time job or freelance or taking up language courses. However, these few weeks, News Desk seems to be really busy, and it did remind me that part-time, freelance or night courses might not be a good option for me. And so, what should I do, and what should I expect in this chapter of my life?

Yesterday, I met a freelancer at one assignment. She writes for magazines and some newsletter for corporate organisations. Before that, she used to worked with newspaper company, PR firms and a full time traveler. She shared with me her life working with newspaper company and how she left everything and went to round the world for about 10 months. I was so impressed for sure, but then I thought.."Hey, I can do better than that..." While this round the world idea still singing in my mind, today I found out another interesting thing at my assignment. I went to an education fair, and this Korea University representative told me that I could apply for their full scholarship in one of their Master programmes. The Graduate School's Dean, Mr Kim recommended Master in Korean Language and Culture Education to me, since I've told him that I would like to learn about different culture and language to enhance my career. I thought, it might be a good idea.

Even though I don't have any intention to leave my job now, but well, I need a goal so that I will not stuck in the same News Desk for the rest of my life, just like most of my seniors there. Even I would prefer to continue my studies in UK, but well, get to learn another language will definitely help me in the future. Who knows, I might be the BBC correspondent in Seoul..Going out of Malaysia might be a good platform for me to earn myself an opportunity to work with international media. And so, I should now decide this as my goal for the next two years, so that I will not stuck in the same desk and be a common reporter, If it is not now, then it will be never...

World's No 1 Badminton Player

I was really tired today, but I don't want to miss out the excited feeling I am having now..

I was covering two events today for our Prime Minister's wife, Datin Seri Rosmah Mansor--both were outdoor..God knows how hot and humid it was today in Kuala Lumpur. Sweat non-stop and I started to fee dizzy..But at the second event which was the open house for national athletes - former and present athletes, I met one of the most popular badminton player in the world, Datuk Lee Chong Wei. Well, Malaysia claimed that he is now World's No 1..after he defeated Lin Dan from China in recent Commonwealth Games, he is even more popular.

I was never care about athletes but today I was just having this feeling, "wow, Lee Chong Wei is standing beside me". The feeling was good, but to add on that, the process before I was standing beside him was funny..

Other sport reporters from other media [they seem to be very close with Chong Wei] forced me to admit that I'm his big fan..Reason being was--I told them jokingly that we should not address him as 'Chong Wei', but instead we should call him 'Datuk', the title granted to him when he won in previous Olympic Games. They said I love him so much that I don't allow others to mis-address him...a big LOL on that...That's how they started to tease me and they told Chong Wei that I am his big fan after the press conference with him - Well, I'm not in the sport desk, so I was chasing the PM's wife on another side. When I finished my work on another end, the sport reporters just dragged, ok not to use this word, they asked me to take a photo with Chong Wei since I am his big fan. They said I should not miss this opportunity....another big LOL on this...One can imagine how awkward the situation was, when I don't really want to take pic with him, not that I don't want but just not that desperate [gosh, Chong Wei must be thinking that I'm really in love with him..another LOL for this @@'']..at the end we did take picture together..how embarrassing.... and to add on this, he is really a nice and humble man [well, I really don't know him that well, but first impression, yes he is humble].

So, now, I think he is really one of the people we should respect, Chong Wei did make our country proud, didn't he? It was so silly of me that never appreciate sportsmen from my own country.

So, yeah, I respect you now, Chong Wei..Thank you for your contributions..^^

Love, is what we need

Is another day off for me. I suppose to finish part of my thesis that I planned to do days ago, but I didn't. Well, I did finish small part of the one that I planned. Anyway, I supposed to feel guilt for my undone work. But, I didn't. Probably because I knew that I'm able to finish the whole thesis in time,or perhaps because I finally understood something that I've been searching for since I became a journalist few months back.

When I first joined the news desk, everything seems interesting to me, but at the same time it find it really difficult to adopt to the journalism world. People there aren't really friendly like most of the people thought they would be. The job, task and assignments are fun and interesting, I do enjoy it very much. On the other hand, walking in the office makes me distress. I'm afraid I might step over something that I should not. For example, some reporters do have their own bit like environment or health or politic. I never know who told them that they are the specialist in the field they claimed they are good in. But the unwritten rule is, if you are writing on these certain areas, it is advisable to let your seniors know that you are working on their "specialist topic". Also, all the bosses seem to group themselves up. The moment you step in the office, you have to clearly aware who is your boss that day.

I started to feel panicked when I don't really seem to be given opportunity to perform. I guess probably because I'm not really good yet. So, I started to find my own story. Searching for own stories is not something easy. You have to be careful you do not cross others' borders and searching for something that interest you is also another tough task. When hearing other colleagues telling me how one should love the environment, how to take care of your own body etc etc, I started to feel that "gosh, I'm not interested at all".

Often we hear people saying, "hey, save the environment, the earth is for your kids", well, it is true. But how many people out there doing it because they realise that it is their responsibility and not following the trend? That's why I do not really pay attention when some companies are organising big "save the earth campaign" and at the same time printed out their press statement - mind you, the press statement is single-page printed. Anyway, this is not something I want to talk about today.

Today, suddenly I felt that I found something that speak direct into my heart. I've been searching for the area that I'm interested in all this while. Not health, not really politic, well, environment..not really. I'm actually interested in human's relationship. I started to think that if people keep saying that go green for the kids today, how about the way we treat other people? Why do we need to think about the future which is so far away when we don't even care about the people sitting next beside us? I suddenly thought of what David Tao always says, Love is what we need now! Well, it is pretty true. Forget about politic, environment and other things if we do not have what human need the most "L.O.V.E".

I might offend many people when I say forget about this and that, well, politic and environment are equally important, but personally I think that people nowadays are lack of love and passion in life. Many people, well, maybe they might not realise, when they are giving out something, they are expecting the return. Need not to talk about others, I personally are like this. So, I wonder, is life now a business? I don't know.

Well, for a better tomorrow, let's us start loving people around us without asking or hoping for any returns. Love others without any expectation, this is my petition today, how about you out there?

Searching my purpose of life again

My life turned in black and white long ago, I don't know when. I used to think that I have a colourful life with all the part time jobs, my dreams, my life principles, my friends, families, everything in my life...Everything seems to be colourful. I even forgot how my smile used to enlighten other people's life. So pathetic..My life just turned upside down, ruined by my own ego and pride..I seriously need to get back my life in order...

I have my dream job, not many friends as last time, but I do have sincere friends, lovely family...and oh, I need to stand still on my own principles, yeah my principles used to be charming @@'' (well, at least I think so, hehe).

I need to live life fullness..without any regard...and yeah, I need to start searching for my purpose of life now, now, now ...NOW!!!!!

And to start of, I need to face my inner self and so I should loudly say what is in my heart now...." I love David Tao and Gong Yoo so much!!!!!! " hehehehe

I should enjoy being single, right??

Was a bit moody for the past few days. Yesterday, a charming guy just enlightened my day..Funny enough, I was like a little girl giggling around and keeps telling one of my best friend how cute this charming guy is. Suddenly, I just realised, yeah, this is how I should be. I'm a young lady that should enjoy this kind of feeling. I almost forget when was the last time i acted this way. I just could not recalled.

My previous love life is kinda pathetic. I just do not know how to show my love to the one that I loved, and I feel sorry for those who loved me, but they are not the one I'm looking for. I'm just feeling so sorry..

I deserve a choice, don't I? and I should enjoy my single life, don't I?

So, am I in the right industry???

It has been almost three months working in this newspaper company. The past three months, I kept asking the same question "Am I supposed to be a journalist?" There were many difficulties (well, probably it is not for some people) in the desk.

Firstly, obviously is my language barrier. I'm not a native English speaker, I don't speak English that much in my daily live. I don't have a strong foundation in English language, ok, probably I should blame the Malaysian government for this. My generation, especially students from Hulu (urban) areas like me. All my peers, no matter what type of school they are from, Chinese school, Malay schools or Indian school do not master any language. Take me for example, I'm a Chinese from Malay school. I speak Malay, but not like the Malay; I speak Mandarin and Cantonese, but people always correct my sentence; I speak English (some might think I speak ok compared to other people at my age), but in fact, my English is all up side down - bad grammar, vocabulary....

Working really hard to solve my language barrier, I have to go through other things - relationship with my colleagues....

Despite so many working experiences, I found myself so struggle in handling relationship. People are being so selfish, especially in this industry..I don't know, maybe I'm just not as good as others. Juniors are working so hard to get closer with the bosses, bosses are having favouritism and seniors just don't give any shit to new people like me.

I felt that I just do not have the opportunity, but then my sister told me opportunities sometime can be created by your own. No story, go and look for one. To be honest, I'm pretty agreed with her point. But then again, it is just so demotivated when you realise that the bosses do not really want to give me a room to perform. Ok, probably this is a bit unclear, but I just can feel it - "the bosses don't really like me".

The co-workers and language barriers make me really doubt about my decision to be here. I sometimes will think that probably I'm not really meant to be here, journalism is not really what I should do. But sometimes I will think that, this is the place I should be, my curiosity, positive and never let go attitude make a good journalist, I think. I will definitely hate myself if I were to let go the job at this point, but at the same time I hate myself being so useless and not performing well in my job. So, what am I supposed to do????

Just Another Day in Starbucks

Walking in here, memories flashed back-hard work, satisfaction on work, learning about coffee, meeting other baristas, meeting strangers.....

Looking back, I realised how far I am now and how much I gained for the past few years after I left my hometown...Moving in this so called big-city of Malaysia, I survived through lots of mistakes, survived through lots of tears, lots of laughter...and now, after so many had been done, I am a grown up little girl in this big city, but still the same, non-stop chasing for my dream..Leaving my life as a student and part time worker, I am moving towards another stage in my life - being a real reporter, digging for news and writes....

Cheerssss~~~~

Just Another Raining Day

Is another raining day...I think I really like rains, like it will wash off all your dirt, your sadness, your negativity, your problems and everything everything that will turn you into a bad apple..

These few weeks were really bored one. I supposed to do research for my thesis paper, but I was too lazy that I wasted two weeks :( this is not good...

I started to realize that I really enjoy being busy, working non stop, assignments non stop...a lot, a lot of things to be completed. At least all these tasks will keep me occupied..Moments of doing nothing really make me feels lonely. Not sure whether I should sit or stand or watch movie or listening music. Just gives me shit of the day..

Listening jazz accompanied by the rains outside my corridor, the moment of emptiness just suddenly disappeared. I really enjoyed moment like this, everything slows down..I guess the rains, perhaps was sent by the Lord above to freshen up human being like me...

Tik Tak tik Tak....

It is him with HIV, not stranger

I always heard about HIV and AIDS..I even involved with the charity work targeting this issue...For me, people who are HIV+ or AIDS are no different with any of us, especially children..

As I am always close to this matter, I concern about the issue, feel sorry for those infected, and try not to discriminate...[and I would said, Im neutral to this issue so far - being empathy and not discriminate] however..........

I met a good friend of mine back in 2006, while im part-time-ing with Starbucks..lets just call this cute guy Y. he is a lovely guy on my age, speak good English and smart..he is ambitious when I first met him, thats how I feel impressed [not to be mistaken, not love]...perhaps i was so distress that time, that I really need some1 understanding enough for me..and Y is the right person..he is lovely, until now...we dont really know each other well, but the companion counts...and so, we are good friend but we hardly ask about each other private life that much..just companion, movie buddy...but all these moments meant so much for me....

when we both quit Starbucks, we even became closer...good friend...and one day I found out that he likes guys and has a new boyfriend..oh yeah, im freaking shock...but not being bias...well, I think this news actually make us closer..to be honest I always scared to go out with cute guy, coz people might think I look even more ugly besides a cute guy..and I dont understand why woman and man cant be in a pure friendship...and so, I really enjoy going out with Y coz I know he take our friendship genuinely pure....

After his diploma, he went to all kinds of jobs...being so materialistic...and suddenly all his ambitions just gone...I no longer see a designer in him...kind of disappointed, but as long as he is happy...

Today, I met him for another movie...I shared with him that the newspaper called me up for interview next Wednesday..he knows that I always wanted to be a journalist, just like I know how much he wants others to appreciate his design..in exchange with my good news, he told me he is HIV+........................a big pause from me....

I understand what HIV+ means because I am so into this issue, but why him????he is my age..I feel so uncertain, that I gave him funny comfort sentences....and I do understand how difficult life is going to be or him down the road..I met many HIV+ patients during my volunteer job last time..I know how they suffer..I am so freak out when I put Y in the situation...I dont know, it just freaking me out...but the sad part was he told me that "well Yuki, I am accepting this as fact..we do not choose this to happen, I am just the unlucky one" this really make me sad...well, I understand HIV+ and AIDS is not a choice for some patients, but I think he should take up the responsibility too for being....you know, many different partners....that moment I feel that he is a total stranger...where is the ambitious Y that I met before???Im so sad that I loose him..I understand that he doesnt choose for this, but I really hope that through this he can be able to look back and see his mistakes....I love him so much that he a brother of mine...and I know that the HIV+ will not kill him spiritually, but will just make him stronger...

life is unpredictable....We never know what is God planning for us...and make no regrets, love yourself and love yourself for your family.....

"Oh Father Lord, may You forgive all the wrong steps and decisions that he made, lead him back to Your side as I know God, You love him so much....In Jesus' name, Amen"

Not really a Happy New Year...

The year of the Tiger does not seem to bring me any happiness...

Not a proper family reunion dinner, not a proper family gathering, does not bring any smile or laugh on the face and no proper friend gathering...

So, what is the purpose of having New Year celebration?